i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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