if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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