I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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