why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
