Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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