I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
