I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
