i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
