I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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