well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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