how can u be prego again
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
