There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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