If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
