half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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