I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
