Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
