i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
