cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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