it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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