but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
