I'm so fucking centered right now
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
