Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
