your parents love me but you hate me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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