Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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