Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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