your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize