3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
