Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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