did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
