it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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