Do you still have your period?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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