Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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