3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
