Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
