WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
