Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
