Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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