Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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