my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
