Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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