I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
