Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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