literally had 100 drinks last night.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
