Too much gin, very little bucket
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
