dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
