I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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