i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you traded sex for a burrito?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
