census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
