Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
