I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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