at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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