you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
