there's paper in my vomit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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