I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just want to make out with him forever
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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