He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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