the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
