I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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