Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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