at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
