david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
