the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
