and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
