just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
