Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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