i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
