My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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