I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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