Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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