Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
