Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
