you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
