Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize