Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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