Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
