i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
