Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
