i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
