I wish I could punch you in the face.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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