My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
