My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
