That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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