My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
