Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
