If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
