You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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