You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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