Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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