Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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