shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
