Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
