are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
