The maid of honor just puked.
id be glad to
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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