I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
