I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
