In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
