Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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