And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
