Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
